Turning 30- A Reflection

So here it is, the big 3-0 finally caught up with me. I've watched most of my friends succumb to the big 3-0 the last few months and alas, it is now my turn. I think I am surprised at how un-big (oh yeah, that is too a word) it seems to me. I mean, birthdays are always big events to me, don't get me wrong, but actually turning 30 doesn't feel much different than turning 29 did.

But it's supposed to be a big deal so when reflecting on this birthday I asked myself "what did you imagine your life would be like at 30 when you were younger?" And the truth is, though the details are much different-- pretty sure I didn't imagine I'd be living in San Francisco in a 757 square foot apartment-- I imagined, hoped, wished for a life at 30 just like I have now. I knew I wanted children at this point- check. I knew I wanted a great husband who loves me- check, I knew I wanted a good, close relationship with my family- check, I knew I wanted friends, really great, genuine friends- check. The only thing I think I didn't count on is that I don't exactly have a strong, thriving career. But you know what, I've kind of learned to love that and since the trade off is being able to care for my boys each day I know it's worth it, right now, at this moment, as I turn 30. As a matter of fact, I can't think of one thing I would change about my life right now-- well, I would love to get more sleep;)-- and I think that makes getting older a little easier.

Turning 30 means different things to different people. Some might feel like it's the end of their youth, or the end of their young days. Some might feel like it's time to finally be responsible. I feel like I am pretty dang responsible and I'm fairly sure my youth ended a looonnnnggg time ago, old soul that I am, so to me, turning 30 is about identifying what kind of life I want to lead for this next decade and sticking to it. And the kind of life I want to lead is one that isn't always looking to the next great thing. The life that isn't always waiting for tomorrow, or counting on something in the future to bring happiness. I want to really feel every moment and live it. To find the joy in Wednesday afternoons just as I do on Christmas. To watch my boys grow and mature and to soak in their childhood. But here is confession time- I am mostly terrible, terrible, terrible at everything I have written above. Mostly I am counting the hours until bedtime around 1:00 pm. Mostly I am wishing Connor didn't still need me to get him out of the bath and that Liam would sleep through the night. Mostly I am looking forward to some future event and missing the smaller events that happen each minute. And I hear it, that voice in my ear telling me to slow down. I hear it, telling me that the best times are now, when these little people need me so much. I hear it, telling me that this moment, right now, is the most important moment of my life. So to me, turning 30 is the time to listen.

Thanks for all the birthday love everyone, it was a great day and I'm looking forward to a great decade. To listening.

Loves to all.