A Letter to my Son on his Fourth Birthday

My Dearest Connor-

Tomorrow you will turn four years old. Oh how old that seems to me! You are about 44 inches tall and you weigh 45 pounds and I look at you now and I see only boy, no baby. Sometimes I see you standing somewhere, dressed with your flops on, talking like you rule the world, and I see you as a teenager, grown up and not needing your mama as much. And my heart hurts. But then, I try to smile, because I think of what a handsome man you will be and I imagine what you will be like. It's a good reminder to me that the often difficult struggles we have each day are so fleeting in the scheme of things. And that soon it won't be my job to dress you or to get you in the bath or to even drop you off at school. Before I know it, you will be doing all of that yourself.

This year, my son, you changed from my only child to my oldest child. We welcomed your little brother Liam Charles into our family a few months ago. On top of that, we moved from the only house you had ever known to live with Grammy and Pa for a little while and now we are living in a new place in a new city and you are at a new preschool. So much change for such a small person. But what amazes me about you, is that even though I'm sure somewhere in that little boy mind of yours this makes you uneasy, you find excitement and good in change. You have never once asked to go back and live at the old house or go back to your old preschool. You have never asked for brother to go live with another family. Instead you find the good in the new situations and get excited about new things. I love that about you and I hope that is a quality that stays with you for life. It will serve you well in the future, my son.

This year you learned to dress yourself, write your name and count higher than the number 13. What accomplishments! You are SO smart and so logical. It's difficult to try and get things by you because you are also very observant with a great memory. The logical part you get from Daddy, the memory is from me. You also like to point out when Mom and Dad are wrong or make mistakes. The other day I asked you if you would like it if I pointed out every time you were wrong. Your response? "But Mom, I'm never wrong." Oh the confidence. You have come so far this year, from the little boy who wasn't sure he wanted to stay at the first day of preschool with Miss Suzanne, to now the big boy who races down the ramp on a big wheel with no fear at his new preschool.

This last year has been great getting to know you as you grow into a boy, my son. I love to watch your personality evolve and I am constantly surprised by the things you do. I love that you still love to cuddle at night with a book and your corner blankie. I love to watch you sleep snuggled under your train blanket, looking so cozy and peaceful. And I love to watch you interact with your friends, learning to navigate social situations. You make me so proud son. I thank God every day for letting me be your Mom. It's the best job in the world and I am SO grateful that I was trusted with it.

I love you, my son. Happy 4th Birthday.

Love, Mommy