Stupid Things People Say to Pregnant Women

What it is about that telling mid-section bump that invokes dumbness in people? Why do people all of a sudden lose their social manners when they see a pregnant woman? It's like some people think that just because a woman is pregnant, all former "off-limit" topics are fair game. Now, any of these things said from girlfriend to girlfriend may be acceptable, but men, you should NEVER say any of them and girls, if you don't know the person well, you should abstain too! Here are a few examples of my favorite comments made to me while pregnant (either this time or last time). I'll keep names to myself to protect the not-so-innocent:)

1- Whoa, you're getting big! (other favorites are "you're showing," or "you sure look pregnant!"): Just because the reason I'm getting big, or showing, or looking pregnant as it may be, is because there is a human growing inside of me does not mean I, all of a sudden, want people commenting on my increasing size. Would any of these people walk up to someone not pregnant who has gained weight and say "whoa, you're getting big!" No, they wouldn't, you know why, because it's socially unacceptable, that's why. Newsflash people, it's still rude when the person is pregnant! Many women (I don't actually consider myself one of them) are very sensitive about the fact that, perhaps for the first time in their lives, they cannot see their feet anymore. Pointing out their increasing girth is not going to help this insecurity, and therefore not going to win you any friends. If you would like to "make conversation" with a preggo, try "you look great!" (always appreciated, even if a lie), or "I can't WAIT to meet your new addition!" or even "did you change your hair? It looks great today!" Compliments are always appreciated by women, but pregnant women, with pregnant women hormones, might weep with appreciation right there on the spot.

2- Awww, let me touch the baby (closely followed by hands reaching to touch the stomach):
Let me give a disclaimer here **this might be acceptable if you, in fact, know the person. Like really know them. You know, you got invited to their wedding, have their phone number in your phone, know their middle name, etc, etc.**
Personal space is still personal space regardless of fertility status! I wouldn't walk up to a guy with a gut and say "awww, let me feel your belly!" It would be weird, and uncomfortable for both parties. It's still weird and uncomfortable when the person is pregnant!! Sometimes we preggos are wearing pants up to our freaking armpits and we aren't interested in anyone feeling for pantlines! Our stomachs might be tender or itchy and you throwing your hands up to "feel the baby" does not feel good. And for the record, you're not feeling the baby. You're feeling my stomach. The baby is safely tucked away behind layers and layers of skin, fat, blood, uterine lining, etc, etc. So if you have that strong of a desire to feel my skin, how about a hand shake instead?

3- I didn't even know you were trying!!!:
Yeah, generally when I am having unprotected sex I don't give a call to all my acquaintances, do you? I mean really, is this something I should share with everyone? Because I think that could be a little uncomfortable if I gave everyone a ring when I was "trying." The fact is, baby-making is about as personal and private a decision two people can make and sometimes, those two people didn't even make the decision (surprise!), so you suggesting they should have told you they were "trying" is just awkward and uncomfortable. If a couple wants to share the decision to start "trying" with others, great, but don't expect that everyone should let the world in on their bidness!

4- Well your boobs sure are getting big!:
This was actually said to me recently by someone who does not know me well enough to talk about my boobs! Luckily it was a woman because had a man said this to me there would probably be violence involved. But come on, where is your filter people???!!! You can think things you don't have to say!!! Yes, my boobs are big and yes, if a friend said this it would make for a good laugh. But, it is not okay to comment on a preggo's boob size just because you might know her name! She is still human and making that comment makes preggo feel awkward. Probably she isn't trying to hang the girls for all the world to see, because sometimes it's hard to cover those preggo boobs. So, do her a favor and look at her eyes and pretend you don't even notice the gigantic boobs. She will love you for it!

5- Ugh, when I was pregnant with my daughter I had the worst yeast infection for a whole month!:
Said to me by a person whose name I do not even know. Yeah. Just because your audience is pregnant does not mean they all of a sudden want to hear about your personal medical crisis even if you were pregnant at the time. Some things should remain private, even with preggos! Chances are the preggo has enough gross medical stuff going on, she doesn't need to hear about yours! This applies to other gross preggo conditions as well as stories about your wife's gross pregnant medical conditions. I wouldn't want to hear about your yeast infection if you weren't pregnant, why the heck would I want to hear about it just because you happened to be pregnant at the time and I happen to be pregnant now? IT'S STILL GROSS!!!!


6-You shouldn't be drinking/eating/doing that, you're pregnant!:
Listen, I have yet to meet a pregnant woman that is not more concerned about the health of her unborn baby than random acquaintances are (this applies to mothers in law too. Not mine, she would never say this, but I've heard stories...). So, if you see a preggo drinking/eating/doing something that you have in your mind she shouldn't be doing, keep it to yourself! It doesn't even help if your doctor happened to tell you that isn't appropriate for pregnant women to do. She is an adult and she can decide for her and her unborn child what is and isn't okay. Now granted, if you know someone doing crack while pregnant, conduct an intervention or something, but don't bug me because I'm drinking a frappachino!

7- You're eating all that?? Whoa!!! or even "You should eat more, you're eating for two!"
Preggo is an adult here folks. If she is eating it's because she is a)hungry, b)feeling sick to her stomach and trying to feel better c)bored or d)none of the above but whose freaking business is it anyway! Sometimes preggos want a lot of food. Sometimes a lot of food at once gives them heartburn. Sometimes they eat almost nothing all day and sometimes they eat thousands and thousands of calories in an hour! Either way, leave her alone! Focus on your own eating habits, because probably there is a flaw in the way you eat too!! You don't see her pointing out the fact that you ate 6 donuts that were in the breakroom, do you???

8-What took you so long? (I'm sure the ever-famous "Pregnant again already?? is annoying too):
Family planning is personal to everyone. Just because your aunt Bertha hated having her two kids 4 years apart does not mean that will be the case for me. Lots and lots of factors go into when people choose to have another baby and unless you are going to a)carry and birth the child b)do all feedings for the newborn and c)financially support the new child you have no say. So just smile and look at the person and say "I'm so excited for you, congratulations!" You just might keep a friend this way.

Alright, well I think I covered all of them but I'm sure I'm missing something. Feel free to add to the list!

Loves to all (even after that mighty rant).