A Letter to my Son on his Third Birthday

My Dearest Connor-
Three years ago today, you were born. You came into this world in a rather traumatic manner, not breathing or moving much. I held my breath while they worked on you to get you functioning. Sometimes I feel like I'm still holding my breath, constantly watching and checking to make sure you are okay.

Relatively speaking, you were tiny, though born at 8.14 and shooting up to 9.14 in a matter of a few days didn't leave me much tiny baby time. You were mostly a mellow baby, happy to sleep in your swing or lay around and watch us move. You were such an eater!!! Sometimes I think maybe you ate enough your first year of life for the next two years, as you eat very little now. You were truly a joy to have around and Dad and I were so happy to have you in our lives.

At ten months you started walking and you haven't stopped moving since. An energetic little boy, always looking for the next adventure. The world is literally your playground and you take every opportunity to learn about new things. But what fascinates me about you the most, is that as energetic and crazy as you are, you have such a soft and loving side, never hesitating to give me a kiss or hug, or reach for my hand as you begin to walk. To you, there is only love, no hate. What a gift you have to give the world, and how lucky I am to be a recipient of that gift.

It's a difficult stage you are in, pushing boundaries, being defiant, but looking so cute and so often saying such funny things along the way. Many times I don't know if I should be mad at you or laugh at you. It takes a lot of energy to keep up with you and I gotta be honest, many days I feel like I just don't have enough energy for it. I've got a lot going on in this world and often feel pulled in about a million different directions. Oh how I wish I could simply sit and watch you all day, with nothing else going on. I say watch you, because I couldn't possibly keep up with you all day:)

Sometimes I look around and think "I can't possibly be responsible for this little person, can I?" Like maybe your real mom will pop out and I'll get to say to her "what an amazing person you have here." But it's just me, you are mine. And what a lucky girl that makes me.

There's so much I want you to know, so much that you will probably never understand, or at least not until you have children of your own. I could really go on and on. But the one thing I want you to know, Connor, is that I know a higher power picked me, out of all the women in the world, to trust with you. I was chosen to care for you and nurture you and develop you into an adult. What a big job! You just need to know, that I thank God every day for that job, numerous times a day, really. I am so blessed, so lucky, so fortunate to have you in my life, Connor. You are my son, my life, my world. Happy 3rd Birthday, Connor. I can't wait to see where the next year takes us as mother and son.

I love you.

Love, Mommy